Goodness, it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. When I decided to resume blogging I had the best of intentions in chronicling my journey towards FNP but something got in the way. A lot of things got in the way. SCHOOL mainly. So instead of crafting an eloquent blog post about some existential nursing concept, I’m going to give you a stream-of-consciousness update and be satisfied with it because I’m already working on borrowed time. There’s an open review book waiting for me, scolding me with all the facts I do not yet know about rheumatoid arthritis. And you DO NOT want to ignore rheumatoid arthritis.
So what has been keeping me so busy for the past few months?
Working! What in the world do you think I’ve been doing?
I’m currently finishing up my second-to-last semester in my FNP program with a tentative graduation date of August this year. (OMG DID I REALLY JUST WRITE THAT?) I’m over a third of the way done with my total hours and the days seem to be flying by. As my cumulative hours sheet grows longer and longer, I grow one hour closer to freedom. One. day. at. a. time.
Clinicals have been an unexpected success- not that I always make the right choice, believe me, I’m made some epic blunders- but I am enjoying it more than I ever thought I would. The patients are wacky as ever, the complaints are unpredictable and varied, and the physical exam findings sometimes make me put on my ICU nurse face so that I don’t show that I’m HORRIFIED BY YOUR FEET RIGHT NOW. Or, I’M HORRIFIED BY YOUR LAB VALUES. Or, I’m HORRIFIED BY YOUR NON-COMPLIANCE. It’s the same face I put on in clinic when a patient asks me to look at something I never thought I’d see in a place I never thought I would have to examine. Primary care is awesome, never boring, always full of characters. It’s definitely where I want to be as a nurse practitioner.
Plus, sometimes I do make the right choice. I pend an order and then my physician says the exact same thing I just put in the computer. But I did it before he said anything! I proved to myself that I actually know something! I CAN take care of patients by myself! This victory over putting in the correct dose of valsartan (big time stuff, people) lasts for a brief period until I completely forget to address his preventative care needs or forget to ask him what his home blood sugars are or try to order two serotinergic drugs at the same time (gasp!). Then I come back down to reality and remember that I still have plenty of hours to go but that those small wins are not insignificant. I am learning and I am going to be the best NP I can be (insert girl scout wink).
Other than clinical, I’m working two shifts a week at the hospital in the ICU seeing the end result of all these complications that I’m trying so desperately to control in primary care. I’m also studying for board exams, going through my review book slowly, trying to jam all the details into my brain about lab testing for Hepatitis B and the difference between gout and pseudo gout (who gave them those names? Can I punch that person in the face?)
Oh and I have a husband and a daughter who like to see me once in a while when I’m not off saving lives acutely or saving lives preventatively (see self-inflamed pride above). In all seriousness, my family has been amazing throughout this entire process. My husband adjusts his schedule, cooks, does laundry, picks up my daughter and even scheduled me a nail appointment the other day after I thought I was going to lose my freaking mind. Even my daughter has been flexible in her own three year old way, telling me that she’s going to work at the children’s hospital while I go to work at the big hospital. She sends me a toy everyday in my bag so that I “have something to play with while I’m at work.” A big part of me is doing this for them and I couldn’t do it without them.
A few quick resources I’ve found helpful along the way:
The Curbsiders Podcast– If you’re going to be in primary care, you need to listen to this STAT, every episode. Seriously, you should’ve started yesterday. I have (more than once) pulled out an expert answer based on something I recently learned in one of the podcasts and impressed my physician with my vast knowledge of obscure details (yes, my preceptor DEFINITELY thinks I’m smarter than I am). The podcasts are funny, entertaining, and chock full of useful information. Plus, no one from your school is holding a letter grade gun to your head to do it, so the freedom to listen willingly is a plus.
This review book– There are several good review books out there but this is the one I got attached to so I’m talking about it. If you’re just starting FNP school you might want to get through the first few classes before you break it open but this is what I use to study and I wish I would’ve started reviewing it before I started clinicals. Most of the sections are short enough to where you can do it when you have a small sliver of time.
AAFP articles– After I read about a section in my review book I usually look up a AAFP article on the topic to give me more information and solidify what I’ve learned. The articles are simple enough to read and can usually be scanned quickly for the highlights. Top notch, in my opinion (my opinion that literally means nothing to anything).
That’s enough for tonight. I’ll try and share more consistently, even if it is short and sweet. There’s a part of me that comes alive when I’m writing and it’s especially important that I don’t let that flame die out under the oppression of my schedule and upcoming board exam. It doesn’t help anyone if I graduate in August as a talking shell of a FNP who can’t remember how to type her own name.
Thanks for reading!